What do we do now?

1. SHOCK & DENIAL-

2. PAIN & GUILT-

3. ANGER & BARGAINING-

4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-

5. THE UPWARD TURN-

6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-

7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-

I wrote this down to try to sort out my own feelings and thoughts at this time. This is only me, and only a very fresh and still confused me.

I would say I am still in shock but trying to not deny. I haven't SEEN it. But I have seen some of it, I guess.. What am I talking about? Trichotillomania.

Yes, I knew about Sophia pulling her eyelashes, a few years back. She tried to stop, started again and then stopped. This time.. She is pulling her hair out. It is not falling out on its own, she pulls it out. Maybe not conscientiously all the time, but she is the one doing it. When? I don't know.. In school-must be.. In bed at night.. While asleep? Or awake? You tell me..

No, the problem isn't her lack of hair, the problem is that she is not feeling good. About herself, about her life and she knows of no other way to handle it than to hurt herself. And it kills me! To now know that she in feeling so bad. That I have been so blind, so in denial that I wanted this to be lupus or whatever, rather than what it is.. I want a cream, a pill for her to take and it will be good again. Or it never to happen at all. But not this..

So our next step? A therapist. Some support group. Real help. From people that know. And I can't sit here and cry about it, I don't have time. I have two boys turning nine today and ... No..

How do I get all the energy needed for this? The hours needed to do all I need to do? To manage to focus on all four kids and help them and at the same time have energy to work full time and care for the home with my Husband working nights and weekends? If my life is chaos, how can I help my 13 year old to make sense of hers?

I have to go now...